Chasing

It seems as though the message of this week for me is chasing. Chasing the grade, chasing down my mile time and chasing after you. It's funny how when you're busy chasing your imagination, you happen to be simultaneously running from what matters most.

I've made a promise to myself in a decalogue I wrote a few months back that I wouldn't be afraid to say goodbye. So as of today, I'm saying goodbye. Goodbye to endless nights sitting by my phone, goodbye to two word answers and your endless supply of sorry's and excuses. . . .goodbye to you. In the words of Taylor Swift, "I bet it never even occurred to you. . .that I can't say hello to you. . .and risk another goodbye. . . ."

At seventeen, maybe it's time to stop chasing and start breathing. What will be will be, and the more I realize I don't control it all, the less I'll let you control me. So the next time you miss me at odd hours, remember that you won't find me by running far into the abyss--you'll find me right where you left me, at the brink of insanity, just shy of losing myself. It'll only be then, at the corner of too late and broken promises, that you'll realize I never ran away, I didn't even walk--you let me go. So now, I'm letting go of uncertainty, doubt and confusion--I'm chasing the path to loving myself. Like you said, we've always been walking different paths. Go ahead and chase your tail as your head spins, wondering just what went wrong. There's no need for a chase any longer, I've caught onto the one thing you never thought truly mattered--me.