An Inconvenient Truth: 1 in 5 are forced survivors

Everyone has a body, how they choose to take care of it is their choice. Everyone has the ability to feel love, whether or not they choose to accept love is their choice. Everyone has a voice, whether or not they use it is their choice. People are blessed to be in control of so many things, things that we often take for granted.

For victims of rape/sexual assault, these basic human choices are taken away. They are no longer in control of their body, because someone physically, emotionally and mentally took that right choice away from them. Victims have difficulty accepting love, because someone shown them and their body the purest forms of hate. Their voice? It's been sucked out of them by a monster, a monster often close to them in their life, and well liked by the community. Why speak up about something you can't help but doubt yourself?

While rape is and will always be one of the most shameful truths of society, there is another side. Say you're at a party one night, and you're not thinking as clearly as you should be, you see a cute new person and well. . .things happen. The next day, this person won't talk to you, and you have absolutely no idea why they're acting so strange. You just wrecked their life last night, and you didn't even know it! But how could this be? New research has shown that the majority of rapists do not know that what they did constituted as rape.


It's scary to think that alcohol abolishes all wrong doing in the eyes of teens and adults alike. As if liquid poison denotes any crime. It's an excuse easy to make--how could you do something wrong if you can't remember anything at all?

But guess what? I remember.

Turn Away from the Truth

          Liam. Not the name itself, but the way it was spoken. As if a four letter pronoun could pronounce what no one had been willing to. Spoken from lips who dare not think of the meaning behind it. . . . spoken from lips still reeling from the nightmare, just one back break away from falling further within.

          I know what it meant, and I knew how it was heard by those who knew. A painfully dark creature that suddenly saw broad daylight, yet only glittered to those who knew his inner depths. Funny how an animal glistening in the sun has the same effect as a monster pinpointed and spotlighted by the moon.

          It’s as if it’s contagious to those who know, spreading silence wherever it goes. Because clearly this is something not worthy of being talked about. Something that needs to be kept under wraps. . .something like you.

          And it needs to be kept quiet, so as not to frighten those around. So as not to spook the children and inject fear into the adults. There’s a reason no one talks about it, and I have a chilling feeling that that reason might be me. They think I’m frail, that I can’t handle talking about it, but honestly, talking about it isn't what got me into this mess. I was told that his name wasn’t worthy of mentioning, yet I hear it every night. I was told that such a disgrace didn’t deserve thought, yet thinking isn’t what got me into this mess. I was told to forget about it, because remembering is painful, but my attempts at forgetting are what got me into this mess.

It’s hard not to be frustrated beyond belief that no one will speak of what happens—if a crime is happening in broad daylight, wouldn’t you stop it? Well what if the ones who saw were the ones who turned away? And what if a frightened girl—what if I—was the one to turn first?

         

Blogging Around: What Is Love?

 What is love? Do any of us really know? At sixteen, can we even claim to know the vast depths of a supposed emotion we have yet to admit exists? In Aaron Ach's blog, he posted about his ideals of love, concluding that all we really know about love is it's uncertainty. He explored the ideals of the topic itself, and questioned what it all meant. My response to his compelling blog is below.

Bravo, Aaron. You have taken one of the most complex ideas (especially at our age) and have been able to transform it into what it is--the joy in uncertainty. While I would agree that love itself rarely comes "wrapped in a bow" I do believe that the notion behind that idea is still necessary.
For many, the idea that love transcends any and everything is important, which is why I respect what you wrote all the more. I couldn't agree with you more--love is unpredictable and it's meaning will always continue to change.
As our lives change--as we ourselves change--so will the meaning of love.

A peer of mine, David Zakhodin, recently offered his opinion on the same subject. While I agreed almost 100% with Mr. Ach's blog, I found myself disagreeing continually with Mr. Zakhodin's take on the subject. Mr. Zakhodin concluded that if love is painful, it tends to be best to walk away. We simply need to look out for ourselves and realize that love is pain. While I agree with some of his ideals, I found myself disagreeing yet enjoying the majority of his blog. His intriguing post is below.

I really enjoyed reading your perspective on all of this, David. While I agree that love (if you believe it exists) is painful and unpredictable, I don't necessarily think we should handle the loss of it like the characters in "Once" and "Jane Eyre" do. Maybe it's just me, but if I ever fell in love, I don't think I'd be able to simply let them go. If you've given a person your love, heart and soul, how can you act like these characters and simply walk away? Don't get me wrong, walking away is sometimes necessary and is painful regardless of what end you're on, but could you really give up that which means the most to you?
"Love" is many things, but I don't think painful is one. I believe it's the absence of this hypothetical emotion that causes the pain we see all too often in movies. Your take on these pieces of art and "love" are very interesting, and I enjoyed getting to wrestle with them and contemplate them. Thank you, bravo.

Dialectics: The Matrix--Locating Love

The Matrix is based upon the concept of two worlds being able to co-exist with one another, or rather the clash between the "real" aspect to one another. In this film of opposites and contradictory sides, everything clashes and seems different. . . .Everything except for the concept of love.

While the movie portrays the idea of love as "lust" in the Matrix and "love" in the real world, both are portrayed in both worlds. The opposing concepts of "love only exists in an alternate universe" and "love exists all around us" are supposedly clashing, yet in this movie, they seem to gel together. The main character, Neo, falls in love with the woman who can transcend both words--and that gets to the core of my argument.

Love doesn't play by the rules, I think we've all learned that. And whether or not love exists is still a question up for grabs. But what we do know is that love supposedly can transcend all barriers, all worlds and nearly everything. It can turn even the coldest of hearts and become a companion to the lonely. The Matrix is all about pointing out the controversial differences and personal choices that one must make in their life, yet I don't think the minds behind this movie left the question of love up to us.

The minds behind the movie specifically leave the concept of love pretty vague and un-talked about, because love transcends even the most complicated of concepts. If anything can cross all boundaries and unite one another, it's love. Whether that be a love for ourselves, friends or even that special someone, love is able to go through boundaries and walls we never even knew existed.

So in a world of feuds and war-waging sides, it's important to remember one thing: whether we believe it or not, love will always locate us, no matter what direction or dimension we might currently be in.

Metacognition: Jane Eyre Mashup

Dad is jeering. Mom is crying. Mind is cheering. Heart is dying. And I? . . encompass them all.

When I started my mashup, I didn't really know where it would lead. I just hoped that the meaning of love I had yet to discover for myself would magically appear in an assignment due in less than a week. I tried. . .and failed. And again, I tried. . .and failed. Yet it was only once I saw these failures for what they were that I truly was able to begin my mashup. They were not failures. They were steps that I needed to take in order to get to my final destination.

And my my final destination? In all honesty, it's a place that I don't find solace in. It's a place cold, dark and one I walk into praying that I'll soon leave. Love no longer holds meaning with me. It simply doesn't exist. I no longer can force myself to believe the lies. I refuse to believe that there is such a thing as a "soul mate" or a "prince charming".

The characters in my life will blame my change of heart on the villain. The readers will claim love was "stolen" and that they swear a happy ending is soon to come. But they're forgetting one simple thing--I am the narrator. I am responsible for adding in characters and writing them out of my story.

Yet as I'm writing, I'm realizing that there are chapters I want to leave out. I'm lucky enough to still hold the pen, but as I've learned with this mashup, the hand behind it all isn't always my own.

An Inconvenient Truth: A Needed Response

First, let me begin with what many will see as the first "controversial" point in the argument I am about to make. The premise of the PSA is that the female in the video is intoxicated--let me be clear that in no way, shape or form do I condone underage drinking. That being said, the persons involved in the Steubenville alleged rape and rape trial had ages ranging from 15-18, all of which are under the legal age of 21.

Yet it's sad that that point must first be made before allowing the message to truly sink in--alcohol is not the problem. Society isn't the problem. The clear problem that is constantly being scapegoated is that in these young teenagers' minds, it is perfectly alright to take advantage of someone, and then claim that it was anything but their fault.
Do I condone underage drinking? No, absolutely not. But I would much rather condone underage drinking than things like battery, sexual assault and rape. Did the combination of the two illegalities create a dangerous and volatile situation for these minors? Yes, of course. But when I hear people saying that it was entirely the alcohol's fault, then they and their story begin to lose favor with me. To be quite honest, I don't care what you have or have not had in your system--I'm not one to judge, because we have laws establishing the guidelines for that.
In our society--speaking in a societal and non-legal sense--there are no "laws" teaching one another how to truly respect people. While this video will probably remain the most influential short video I've watched, it'll still leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I'll leave you with one, morally questioning and inconvenient question; why did this video have to be made in the first place?

Buying Into Maturity

http://evandolive.com/2013/03/22/a-letter-to-victorias-secret-from-a-father/

As a sixteen year old girl, I'm aware that my opinion matters greatly in the world of retail. I am the target audience for post-natal and pre-geriatric clothing, and my opinion matters greatly, even more so than my pocketbook at times. At the same time, I'm also aware that the media and the big box clothing stores are constantly trying to tell me what it is I should want--something that can't help but leave me feeling manipulated and lied to.

The other day, as I was thinking about novels and my short story, I couldn't help but think of the character complexity. I couldn't help but wonder if the characters I had "created" were facing the same pressures that I had faced, the ones synonymous to all teenagers. Were they too constantly struggling with the status quo, and whether or not they wanted to conform to it? Maybe these are the pressures that all teens face, and that's just implied in a story.

Fine, the media can take aim at my generation all they want, and then scold us in their next story for being the very product they created. Fine, no problem--do what you wanna do. But there is a certain line that is constantly getting pushed further back and then subsequently crossed and pushed even further back--and that is where I draw the line. If you want to market your products to 16 year olds, that's your choice. You know we're old enough to think a bit before our actions, but also young and naive enough to not care about the repercussions.

But as I stumbled accross this letter from a father of a 3 year old girl, I have decided to draw the line. Marketing push-up bras and lace thongs with words like "call me" or "wild thing" to junior high age children? I get it, "kids grow up fast", but let's be the guiding foce to get them there, not the kick in the pants that can end them up pregnant.

http://evandolive.com/2013/03/22/a-letter-to-victorias-secret-from-a-father/