An Inconvenient Truth: Rape Screws Everyone

When we think of PTSD, we think of a soldier struggling to cope with life after being in combat. When we think of  choices, we often think of whether or not we'll go the movie on Friday, or where we should go on vacation. And when we think of our biggest fear, we usually think of an action or an object/animal. But if you're a victim of rape, none of these things come to mind. When you're raped/sexually assaulted, PTSD no longer is something you hear of soldiers having--its becomes a part of you and your daily struggle. You no longer are in control of your body or your voice, because someone physically, mentally and emotionally stole that right away from you. As a victim of sexual assault/rape, all of your fears jumble into one--THEM.

Sexual/assault can happen to anyone, and despite some theories that say victims are "asking for it", these could not be more false. That cheerleader, that girl with no friends, that boy with the blue Nike's--rape/sexual assault can happen to anyone; yet some have viewpoints that rape only happens to a select group of people. Another common misconception is that rapists are weird guys with 70's glasses and a white windowless van, yet 80% of rapists/sexual predators have a positive/healthy relationship with their victim prior to the assault, Though the majority of predators are male, many happen to be female as well. "Rape isn't rape if the person likes it", yet this too is completely false. Emotions/physical feelings mean very little when classifying rape, it's a matter of whether or not the event was consensual. The most unfortunate viewpoint of all happens to be one that is true--most rapists and predators are not aware of any wrongdoing.

Though I can see other sides to the story, rape/sexual assault will never be something that I will change my opinion on. 5% of victims will ever press charges or file a report, yet  100% will have to suffer from the permanent affects. Your life is completely turned upside down after sexual assault/rape, and at times, you feel like you have no one to blame but yourself. One of the saddest truths of all is that survivors tend to blame themselves more than they do their attacker. Rape/sexual assault is one of the worst things that could happen to a person.

1 in 5 people are forced to become survivors.

Rape. Screws. Everybody.

Change of Mind: Orlando

As I dug my way through my backpack one morning, my meaning of Orlando came to me. I was pulling out the final draft of my Orlando paper when seemingly all the thoughts I had previously had finally started fitting together. Orlando wasn't just about a person changing in nearly every single way, it was about a person growing up and no longer accepting that which they were given; it was about a brave soul who rejected the path set before them, and learned to walk on their own ground.

Over the past few weeks, I've been noticing things in society that I simply cannot force myself to agree with, and refuse to force to myself to accept. It's because of that one defining moment as I turned in my paper that I realized that conforming to society is not a requirement to survive. People were created with differences for a reason, and by attempting to be like everyone else, you lose the person that you spent so long trying to find.

While my peers and my society will have an impact on me, no doubt, I'm now able to see that I can go in the same direction without following in anyone's footsteps, or walking on a pre-made path. I'm not like everyone else, though for a while I tried be. Orlando was happy, no matter who, what or where Orlando was, Orlando was happy.

Things may not always make sense, and I may not always agree with things, but now I know that that's okay.   I can now be honest when I say that the path I'm walking is also the path I'm choosing. I'll take a few more wrong steps along the way, trip over myself a few times and get a few bruises here and there. Leaving the drama and lies behind, I'm finally walking on my own two feet. I'm Toby, and for right now, that's okay.

Best of Week: My voice won't be heard. . .yet

"What matters to you most? If you were an adult. . .", a teacher of mine started to say.
"Well", I thought to myself "why does my opinion not matter now"?

This week in class, we've been discussing the upcoming election, and what truly matters to us most. What are the core issues that will affect our voting; will we we choose to align ourselves with a political party? All of these questions get thrown out so easily, and for good reason--we're talking about "the future".

This ominous term tends to terrify me, mostly because at my age, I really have no say. As a Jewish girl who became a Bat Mitzvah, I am deemed an adult. I now have the responsibility to pray with the adults, yet am still expected to play with the kids. Similarly in politics, I am caught in a relatively uncomfortable position. Society is telling me that I am "the new generation", yet I'm given none of the trust or responsibility. I am expected to care about the changes going on around me and to take ownership of what "my generation" is doing to "our country". 

In our country, people with money are valued. Scholars and those who are educated are valued. I am in honors classes in an upper middle class society, but I am not a pre-law student, nor am I in college. I can't tell you what the headline in the business section was this morning, but I can tell you how I think this country can move forward. I can tell you what I want my world to look like. I am the new generation, and yet I am constantly feeling suffocated by society. No matter how many letters I write to my congressman, I know that the response I get is from his secretary. I have been taught time and time again that my voice at my age simply does not matter.

A long time ago, my voice was stolen. A long time ago, people decided that I don't deserve the right to speak up, based on my religion, gender and simply my age. Today, you may not hear more than a brush stroke. Tomorrow? You'll hear an explosion of color as I paint the world I will be living in--it's MY world now.

Carry it Forward: Healing of America

As we began discussing Healing of America by T.R. Reid, I couldn't help but feel a strong connection to the prominent underlying theme: problems--large or small--can be solved if people simply cared.

T.R. Reid tells his audience that nearly every successful healthcare model/system works because the people running the healthcare system care more about the well being of the people that they're serving than they do about their own bottom line. As I was reading this book, it was easy for me to think back to times when I, like America's healthcare system, had put my own personal needs miles before the needs of the people around me. I also was able to connect to times when I was like Japan's healthcare system, for instance, and I put the needs of others before myself, yet my needs were still met.

Unfortunately, I feel that people these days just don't seem as genuinely concerned about the well being of others as they do about themselves. Sure, you could argue that you'd do anything to protect your family, but when it comes down to it, our generation has proven time and time again that we'll throw anyone under a bus if there's even a hint that we could get mildly hurt. 

Caring for and about people is just something that's a part of me. My religion teaches me to care for and about others, but not at the risk of hurting myself. Though the groundwork had already been laid by my religion and the teaching of my parents, Healing of America has built a permanent reminder in my mind to think before I speak, and when I listen, to listen with both open ears and an open mind. I know the whole theme of "caring" can seem quite juvenile and basic (which it is), but the bottom line is that we wouldn't need to re-teach something if people had learned it the first time around. 

Not all problems can be solved with an open mind and heart (A.K.A. caring), but I know for a fact that there would be less conflict and more problems would be prevented if people simply cared. Caring about others is a tough task, and caring about yourself can be equally as tough if not more so. This is a lesson we learned so many years ago, so now let's follow the same logic that we were taught so many years ago: think before you speak, love before you hate and learn that which you do not know or understand.